Thursday, December 16, 2010

The Butterfly Effect

        I love that movie and today I felt like i was in it.  As I begin teaching Logan new things, cracking eggs into a bowl for an example, my mothers voice comes alive. I dreamt back to the time I was 7 years old standing on a chair watching over my mother's shoulder as she cooked.  "Now... try to be careful to not get ANY shells in the bowl otherwise we have to fish them out," she would say in her sweet voice.
    But then there are moments when I wish her voice would enter in my head and they don't. Little battles arise abruptly between Logan and I and sometimes it's hard to figure out how to handle it correctly.  Mom, where were you on that one?? hehe.  So I wing it and try not show my little munchkin that I may be bluffing and about to burst out laughing any second.  After all, he needs to know I'm the boss, right? So I hold my "I mean it" face as long as I can.
    And I definately meant it while Christmas shopping in Khols today.  But he tried to call my bluff and I grabbed the back of his overalls to pick him off the floor (he apparantly was suffering from spaghetti legs)  I felt the eyes of shoppers on me as i held him like a bag of heavy groceries standing in line.  I couldn't win because he thought it was funny. Well.... so did I. 
    After Logan's naps, he is well-rested and invigorated and loves to be a chatterbox.  He tells me in all seriousness ALL of the stuff he knows.  We name off all the animals we can think of....aunties and uncles and we can't forget about lawn mowers blowers and trimmers.  We go over everything and have a great time conversating.  It is one of the things I cherish each day.
   Then there's little happy Lincoln.  He's not little though.  He's definately filling out and creating more rolls for himself.  "He's got more chins than a chinese phone book"- haha, okay a little joke my dad would say. Lincoln is climbing up on everything and thinks he is hot stuff sticking out his tongue and smiling. He is going to be a tough kid trying being that he survives Logan's hearty hugs and rollovers.
    I'm really not all that great at blogging so sorry if i don't "do it right" but just thought i'd start typing out things I'm going through and things I think about with my boys and one day make a diary/book out of it and give it to them when they have kids.  HA!   If they don't hear my voice while they are teaching their kids they can sure read it.

Monday, November 15, 2010

My Alarm Clocks

It's not an Oprah 'Ah ha' moment but more of a eehhh..... moment.  I just digested the fact that I will never NEVER have a quiet morning again. Not for a long time anyways! It's all about crying, whining, and fumbling over cereal boxes while I eyeball the empty coffee pot.  Just once I'd like to go back in time and sleep till 10, lay there till 11 and fall back asleep. Ah ha!
   But don't get me wrong. I LOVE being this important person in my kiddos' lives.  I wouldn't trade it. But I can gripe about all the hard work behind it, can I? It is hard work to get up early in the morning and try to match the energy both my kids have when they start their day. It's nights of getting up to nurse a few times or scrambling to find, in the dark, the plastic sucky thing. Yeah, my Lincoln should be sleeping through the night by now but nooooo.
   I'm learning and still have so much to learn as to what it is to be a mother.  When I think of a 'mom' of course I think of my own mother.  She was always sweet, wholesome, and would help me in any way she could. That is the image I carry with me.  Luckily, my kids are too young and don't understand what it is when I groan, drag my feet, and sometimes cry because of exhaustion.  Ok, how do moms do this???  If I'm blogging I might as well be honest.  I am dead tired. Compared to having two kids...having one kid is like well- like having no kids.  It is so different.  Some moms are good at juggling and it come natural to them.  I'd like to think I put forth great effort.  One day I will have mastered this skill but as of now I am just trying to make it every day.
   So after a few times through the night of letting me know that he exists, Lincoln around 6:00am, lets me know he's about ready to get up.  This time would normally be 7 but we haven't gotten through the whole time change.  Everyone else 'falls back' one hour but mommies don't.  Who knows if I'll be able to get him back to 7am  (whoa that would be heaven!)  Soon after 6am, I'm throwing back my warmth of blankets and planting my bare feet on a cold tile floor.  This is step number one to help perk myself up. (step two is Kurt dumping a bucket of cold water on my face... Kurt wants me to write that he has not yet done this).  I tend to Lincoln and halfway through his breakfast Logan calls out for me.  It's so funny that he does this.  He can just get up and go but he 'somewhat' patiently waits for me to greet him in bed. "Mommy, cookie now?!!"  
The battle begins.
Mornings are chaos. Randomness. Loud. I think they will get louder as the years go by. 

And there shall be ...no more quiet mornings.