So I haven't blogged in quite a while.  Maybe it's not for me.  Even right now I'm thinking I should be doing something else....there's a pile of dishes...toys everywhere...clothes to wash from camping last weekend.  The work never stops.   Maybe I'd like to venture out and do something I've never done before....some different kind of work/job??  Something that's fun and entertaining...(but could never hold a candle to the fun and excitement of two little ones keeping me busy!)  Hmm...something that peaks my interest and can make a lot of money in a few hours.   Let's just say some new phase has entered into my life. I don't know where it will take me and maybe not anywhere (probably!) but so far its been pretty fun. 
   Whoa I am a craigslist junkie.  Our huge sectional, bookcase unit, coffee table, pool table, game room benches, boys bunk beds, bathroom tub, and maybe some other small things have come from the site have made it into our house.  What can I say? I like a good deal and why should i pay full price?  So what else can this site do for me?  I've also applied for a few esthetician jobs but nothing has come of that because salons aren't looking for someone that JUST does eyelash extensions. (boo!) It's doing these lashes that makes more bang for my hour. 
   So I see an ad that needs someone to be in a music video that looks like Nova from planet of the apes..  I googled her.  I don't look anything like her....but man it would be fun to act and play along as if I was her.  Me cave woman..me pound you over the head with a stick. I caught the attention of the ad writer.  Hmmm...but do I really want to drive all they way to (I can't remember the city but it was 3 hours away) ummm. no thanks!  But it would be fun to do something LIKE that.  If you know me you might know that I've edited some videos with sound effects....and background music and I just think it's hilarious.  I made one for Kurt's graduation with the coldplay's the Scientist playing in the background.  Pretty much I had a blast doing it.  Taking something like camera film and making something just a little bit better out of it.  Then there's the 'real world cruise' That my friends and I did on a cruise vacation with on-camera confessionals and all.  While I edited it with my friend Shelly there would be times I'd have to dart out of the room because we were laughing so hard I could almost pee in my pants.  I can't figure out how to get the movie maker onto youtube so more people can watch it....well lets just say i haven't tried in a while but hopefully one day you'll be able to pee in your pants too. 

  So then I responded to an ad that needed everyday looking women to model sportswear.  hmmm...sportswear I could do that....I'm not incredibly sporty and fit but it's worth a shot.  I sent them a picture of me. They were interested.  WHAAA??? me????  They wanted to see a full body shot and ask that i send in a few shots.  Hmmm...do i really want to set myself up for....ummm no your stomach is too big and your hips are too wide and those things wouldn't help us sell these clothes.  Oh well what do i have to loose? And anyways..they don't know I popped out two kids so if they do tell me no I'll be telling myself...it's okay Tawnya...you had 2 kids...your body's not going to be perfect.     So I went outside with my camera.  I set the camera on the garbage can and took some shots of me in workout attire. I tried doing some yoga poses...running..etc  I sent them in and a few days later I get a call back from a small town modeling agency in Las Vegas.  They told me about a gig that needs to get done in the bay area with Spalding (sp?) company sports wear and a bridal advertisement for Bridal Mart of America. They want me to do it.  Are you sure??? I'm not a size 2! I'm a size 8! A six on a very good day!  They were also going to keep me on file to do more upcoming assignments...Long story short...I would have to get measured by an assistant...a man and probably topless so that was NOT going to fly.  Since I said only a woman, they hadn't gotten in touch with me bc that would be inconvenient for them bc they didn't have a woman assistant at the time...she was on maternity leave or something. 
  So I fiddle around more the web. Then I see an ad that needs a parent and their child for a product to launch shortly in baby stores...such as babies r us.  It's called Mother's third arm.  The maker of the product (Indian race) told me that they are looking for white kids.  So around 8 moms/kids were there and my kids were pretty much the only white kids trying out for the advertisement model that would be on the box/commercial etc.  This would be compensated and even if we didn't get picked we ended up with 2 of the products and pictures to take home.  We haven't heard back yet... guess we weren't white enough.

This isn't the picture they actually chose and why would it be?  Logan's pretty unhappy here! Can't you see he doesn't want an 'arm' to hold his drink.  HE wants to hold it.....he's wasn't brought up to be lazy and have something hold his drink for him.   Na i'm just playin'.  This product is probably good for mothers that maybe have twins and that need help if they need to be fed at the same time.  But seriously, this product needs some work.  However it was on the today show so it must be something exciting.  

So whats next for me?  So, here's my thinking.  I want to stay home with my kids for the most part until they get older and then maybe i'll work a bit more doing esthetician stuff...helping a bit more marketing for my husbands tomato extravaganza business or hey signing up with Ford models in New York City.  (haha just kidding) So what can I do where I can make a lot of money in a short amount of time so I can stay at home with my kids?  How about a photo shoot where you make 200-500? Cha-ching!

So, my upcoming shoots are for a sports wear boutique where I earn 100 for every outfit I pose in.  A hat, sweats....sounds pretty easy.  Next week I will be in the Santa Rosa music and harmony festival where I will be body painted somehow...it's with clothes on people...let's not get any ideas.  This Tawnya wouldn't even go there.

So then I started researching agencies that are more legit than I think this other agency is in Las Vegas (they aren't good are calling back and keeping me informed on things...a little sketchy for me....a little unprofessional.  I found HMModels in San Jose that I will be 'trying out' for.  First they are going to give me a model critique and hopefully say I have good facial expressions/body movement and posing so forth.  Then they are going to tell me I am too big.  I am okay with that.  I would expect that in the industry. In actuality I'm plus size for this industry...which sucks because I'm a healthy weight for my height..but yeah I'd like to lose 5 or 10 pounds and what woman doesn't??  So I'm guessing I would have to loose 15 pounds to do this. Boiled chicken and spinach leaves everyday can't be that bad, right?  I'm only going to loose if they say they would hire me.  Everything else they would have to tell me looks good.

So on good ole craigslist I found a photographer that wanted to build up his portfolio offering to do his services for free.  Free?? Okay, I'll take that.  Because I am leery of such meeting people on craigslist I had my sister Kimberly come with me.  So that was fun night.  The photographer gave me NO direction NONE!  He didn't say tilt your head or you have something in your teeth...fix your hair.  I did all the posing myself which made me pull looks and poses out of nowhere.  the first minute of posing is not that bad but after 30 clicks of the camera, I was like crap! what do I do now? No, I already posed that way....dang it! I'm not good at this. What am I doing here? Oh this shot's going to look retarded.

So why am I writing about this?? Here's the thing.  I think some people look at modeling as...oh, you think you're pretty and you must have a big head or something .....thinking you can take on that type of career.  Ladies and Genlemen, I know what I look like and I don't think I'm all that.  A lot of models aren't even really super attractive.  Somehow the camera makes magic and makes a story out of the shot that in turn makes everything beautiful.  Just like making silly home movies I am intrigued by taking a not so hot photo and using some fluffing up skills on the computer that make the shot look glamorous and inspiring. 

So, after I got my shots back from the photographer I laughed because there I was pretending to know what I was doing.  Some shots - not so hot.  But hey! There were some decent looking ones that may help start out a 'portfolio' where an agency may consider this look I have to offer for their clients.

This again is all new to me.  I'm just putting my feet in the water here...having some fun. This isn't serious work people.  This is exploring any options I may have.  So I'm not going to eat today and I'm not going to eat tomorrow because I'm going to be   ....a Supermodel......bow bow bow  (That's a song)

The Butterfly Effect

        I love that movie and today I felt like i was in it.  As I begin teaching Logan new things, cracking eggs into a bowl for an example, my mothers voice comes alive. I dreamt back to the time I was 7 years old standing on a chair watching over my mother's shoulder as she cooked.  "Now... try to be careful to not get ANY shells in the bowl otherwise we have to fish them out," she would say in her sweet voice.
    But then there are moments when I wish her voice would enter in my head and they don't. Little battles arise abruptly between Logan and I and sometimes it's hard to figure out how to handle it correctly.  Mom, where were you on that one?? hehe.  So I wing it and try not show my little munchkin that I may be bluffing and about to burst out laughing any second.  After all, he needs to know I'm the boss, right? So I hold my "I mean it" face as long as I can.
    And I definately meant it while Christmas shopping in Khols today.  But he tried to call my bluff and I grabbed the back of his overalls to pick him off the floor (he apparantly was suffering from spaghetti legs)  I felt the eyes of shoppers on me as i held him like a bag of heavy groceries standing in line.  I couldn't win because he thought it was funny. Well.... so did I. 
    After Logan's naps, he is well-rested and invigorated and loves to be a chatterbox.  He tells me in all seriousness ALL of the stuff he knows.  We name off all the animals we can think of....aunties and uncles and we can't forget about lawn mowers blowers and trimmers.  We go over everything and have a great time conversating.  It is one of the things I cherish each day.
   Then there's little happy Lincoln.  He's not little though.  He's definately filling out and creating more rolls for himself.  "He's got more chins than a chinese phone book"- haha, okay a little joke my dad would say. Lincoln is climbing up on everything and thinks he is hot stuff sticking out his tongue and smiling. He is going to be a tough kid trying being that he survives Logan's hearty hugs and rollovers.
    I'm really not all that great at blogging so sorry if i don't "do it right" but just thought i'd start typing out things I'm going through and things I think about with my boys and one day make a diary/book out of it and give it to them when they have kids.  HA!   If they don't hear my voice while they are teaching their kids they can sure read it.

My Alarm Clocks

It's not an Oprah 'Ah ha' moment but more of a eehhh..... moment.  I just digested the fact that I will never NEVER have a quiet morning again. Not for a long time anyways! It's all about crying, whining, and fumbling over cereal boxes while I eyeball the empty coffee pot.  Just once I'd like to go back in time and sleep till 10, lay there till 11 and fall back asleep. Ah ha!
   But don't get me wrong. I LOVE being this important person in my kiddos' lives.  I wouldn't trade it. But I can gripe about all the hard work behind it, can I? It is hard work to get up early in the morning and try to match the energy both my kids have when they start their day. It's nights of getting up to nurse a few times or scrambling to find, in the dark, the plastic sucky thing. Yeah, my Lincoln should be sleeping through the night by now but nooooo.
   I'm learning and still have so much to learn as to what it is to be a mother.  When I think of a 'mom' of course I think of my own mother.  She was always sweet, wholesome, and would help me in any way she could. That is the image I carry with me.  Luckily, my kids are too young and don't understand what it is when I groan, drag my feet, and sometimes cry because of exhaustion.  Ok, how do moms do this???  If I'm blogging I might as well be honest.  I am dead tired. Compared to having two kids...having one kid is like well- like having no kids.  It is so different.  Some moms are good at juggling and it come natural to them.  I'd like to think I put forth great effort.  One day I will have mastered this skill but as of now I am just trying to make it every day.
   So after a few times through the night of letting me know that he exists, Lincoln around 6:00am, lets me know he's about ready to get up.  This time would normally be 7 but we haven't gotten through the whole time change.  Everyone else 'falls back' one hour but mommies don't.  Who knows if I'll be able to get him back to 7am  (whoa that would be heaven!)  Soon after 6am, I'm throwing back my warmth of blankets and planting my bare feet on a cold tile floor.  This is step number one to help perk myself up. (step two is Kurt dumping a bucket of cold water on my face... Kurt wants me to write that he has not yet done this).  I tend to Lincoln and halfway through his breakfast Logan calls out for me.  It's so funny that he does this.  He can just get up and go but he 'somewhat' patiently waits for me to greet him in bed. "Mommy, cookie now?!!"  
The battle begins.
Mornings are chaos. Randomness. Loud. I think they will get louder as the years go by. 

And there shall be ...no more quiet mornings.